From the Star, 27 February 2004 (Dear Thelma)
"I am 28, well-educated and have a good career. Two months ago, I got to know A from chatting on the Net. He is also highly-educated although he comes from a poor family. We often go out together and understand each other. I think he is suitable for me and he feels the same way about me.
When I raised the subject of marriage, A, 29, says to wait for five years. I'll be old by then. I told him I want to marry this year. But he says he is not financially stable yet. I can help pay for the wedding - it wont cost so much. He insist on waiting.
What am I to do? I cannot wait that long. I also cannot look for another man because it is not easy to find true love. Does A really love me or is he only playing with me?
Confused"
Dear Confused,
Take a deep toke and stop freaking out.. Okay, obviously we live in a world where women who reach 30 without being attached like a cow with a ring to a man, possibly a baby and if lucky a vaccuum cleaner is a abomination to nature. So I can't put all the blame on you. But at the same time, you have a brain don't you grrl? You are obviously quite savvy since you can use the Internet and economically comfy - good job and all that. You make good conversation with who you think is a smart guy and there is electricity between you that bytes. It all sounds good.
Then you go all neurotic and think about tying yourself up for life. FOR LIFE. Seems a bit extreme don't you think? You hardly know this guy, it's only been two months. How much can you know a person in two months? Maybe a few snippets of his childhood stories, his favourite drink and maybe even how he likes to do his bonking.
But do you really know that he is not a freak? Or a sexist pig who will go out and shag anything that moves three months into your marriage? Or a money-sucking parasite that will eat into everything that you have worked hard for? Even if he is a actually a pretty sound guy, and caring and responsible and all that bollocks, give yourself *time* to find out. Where you rushing to?
My heart wrinkles when you say it's hard to find true love. I think you are using a concept that has been thrown around in sappy films for far too long to try and justify what you know is a bit insane.
Why do you think this is love? What do you understand by love? Is there a need to sign your life away to some stupid idea that for the longest time took away women's freedoms and ability to do what we damn well want for another stupid idea called 'love'? What is marriage to you? Is it commitment? Is it the desire to share everything in your life with someone you have known for two months? Is it a faerietale full of frills and nods of approval?
Think carefully grrl. Are you in love or are you fucking about with A to pacify insecurities that the world has thrown to us as women?
Antagony Aunt
